I want to quit. Iapos;m sick of it all. Everything.
Itapos;s like Iapos;m standing in a box, isolated, grasping for everything and anything; people, places, situations, that are just out of reach.�
It kills me to think my motivation for getting up in the morning is "someday I�can...".
I donapos;t want my present to be lived in the future. I want to live now. The present is all that really exists, and I feel as though Iapos;m wasting it. I understand, Iapos;m young, thereapos;s plenty of time. But just because there is more time, must this time be wasted? I dread the idea of spending 4 years in school, learning facts that I�could have easily learned on my own, stress free. I feel no desire to learn more here, to excel in school. But I know I have to.
Iapos;m scared that this apathy and lack of motivation may very well cost me my scholarship. I panic when I think of this possibility. My family would be so disappointed, and my mother would be so angry. More complications, more isolation, more stress.
A life without stress, what a glorious idea. :)
Even for a life with some stress, the kind that keeps you busy throughout the day, fills your time.
Just not this kind, that eats away at every moment. The kind that doesnapos;t permit fun, for having fun means you arenapos;t doing what needs to be done. The result: You, only you, alone in a room feeling guilty about wasting time, and feeling more guilty that you could not waste it better.
What a waste.
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